Yuyu's Cancer Diary
September 4, 2008
| First chemo tomorrow | Views: 628 |
I will be having my first chemotherapy tomorrow at 9 am. I will be getting a combo of Carboplatin, Taxotere, and Herceptin.
I took my first dose of Steroid this morning. I don’t know if it is Steroid or just my anxiety, I am eating so much today! Everything is as usual at work. Some people at work are wishing me good luck. I appreciate them thinking of me.
I already packed up my “chemo bag” with everything they said I should bring (blanket, magazines, ipods, etc). I also picked out nice, cute, comfortable outfits to wear for tomorrow! At least I can feel good about how I look while doing the chemo all day.
I went shopping to Target yesterday with my friend and picked up a lot of everyday things like toilet papers, soaps, cat litter, etc so that I don’t have to go shopping for a little while. They said I may be too tired to go shopping when being on chemo. I picked out new Pajama at Target, too. Who knows, I will probably be needing to wear it more than usual!
I will be honest here, I am very scared. I am scared I will have reactions to any of the drug. I am scared how I will be feeling afterword. I am scared of side effects. I am scared of losing my hair. I am scared of not being able to work. I am scared chemotherapy won’t work and my cancer continues to grow. I am just so scared of everything, unknown.
Lately, I have beeing wishing I can just run away and not do this. I feel like having a big tantrum and running away. But, then, where would I run away to? My cancer will be coming right with me, of course!
Anyway, wish me luck tomorrow!
Stacey 
Thanks for your support -
Tomorrow, I will pray for you and you will do well. You are so very much stronger than you know. I see it in your photos. A strength even cancer will shrink from.
Walk in to your appointment in the morning with the knowledge that you are a survivor and no matter what you will be a survivor when this is over.
Be blessed
Mac
Dance with your fear Yuyu. You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t scared of all those things. Just notice how you feel and don’t judge it. I still feel like running away at times. I am still scared, not so much of dying but of truly living. That what really scares me. I have a book that I just finished called Living with Uncertainty by Pema Chondra. I would be happy to send it to you if you like. It helped me sit in the seat of uncertainty and hold on. Since you first started posting you have become so much stronger. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that cansor took up dwelling in the wrong body. Big hug. Keep us updated on how you are doing.
Hey I would love to talk with you, it is easier for me by phone as I am not online as much.
I would pray that your chemo wasn’t too bad, I would love ot discuss with you what to expect.
Hi! I hope your chemo was OK today. It is so scary. Every day during treatment I would complain the whole way to the hospital. I didn’t want to go, but like you I couldn’t run away from it. Good Luck! XOXO
Yuyu,
I feek the same way you do. I am scared also. I want to run and hide and scream.
I will pray for you. My Chemo begins on Monday the 8th and I am so scared of how I will react to the meds. My body is so sensitive to everything.
Somehow we will get through it all and at the end we will celebrate at our courage.
(((warm hugs))
Cheryl
Dear YuYu; Sorry I missed this last post. Have been away from the computer for a few days. Now I see you have had the first treatment and it seems you are feeling ok. So you see you did it and now you just keep counting down to the last treatment. I just can’t believe you have handled so much in such a short period of time. You have shown great determination and strength that is to be admired. Thanks for sharing and good luck. Weezie